In today’s divisive political climate, maintaining relationships can be difficult when political beliefs don’t align. I witness in and out of therapy how distressing it can be when friendships become strained over differing beliefs. While it’s natural for differences to emerge, it’s important to remember that friendship stands on shared experiences and values that sometimes stretch beyond the surface or party affiliation or ballot choices. Here are some strategies to help you maintain strong, healthy connections with friends who may see the world differently.
1. Focus on the Whole Person
It’s easy to let political differences overshadow everything else in a friendship but try to remember that your friend is more than their political stance. They are probably someone with whom you share memories, interests, and support. Instead of zooming in on one area of disagreement, focus on the qualities that initially drew you together. It’s important to remember that there’s a history of sub-culture and experience influencing each person to take their political position and it’s not wise to assume we know what their stance means and then label that person negatively because of our assumption.
2. Prioritize Respectful Communication
Navigating conversations around politics requires careful attention and intention. When these topics come up, keep communication respectful. You can start by acknowledging your friend’s perspective, even if you don’t agree. Phrases like, “I can see where you’re coming from even though I see things really differently,” can diffuse tension and foster a space where both parties feel heard. Remember, listening is as important as speaking. Listen to hear and understand instead of trying to gather information to refute. When we take time to genuinely listen, we show our friends that we value them, even when we disagree.
3. Set Boundaries
Sometimes, the best way to maintain a friendship is to set clear boundaries around difficult topics. If you find that discussions about politics consistently lead to unwanted discomfort or conflict, it might be wise to mutually agree to steer clear of those subjects. You might say, “I really value our friendship, and I think it’s best if we don’t discuss politics so we can enjoy our time together.” This is a healthy way to protect both your emotional wellbeing and your relationship.
4. Find Common Ground
When political conversations do arise, seek common ground. Many people share common values despite their differences. I’m fairly confident most people value justice, safety, opportunity, prosperity, and security but may envision different paths to reach those goals and help others reach them. Focusing on shared concerns or beliefs can soften the impact of divergent opinions and create bridges of understanding. Be careful not to resort to a “generalization fallacy” where we pigeon hole a person and assume we know what they believe because they voted in a particular way.
5. Accept and Adapt
There will be times when, despite your best efforts, you and your friend simply can’t see eye-to-eye. In these situations, accepting your differences can be a form of compassion. Not every relationship can function as it once did, but if the friendship is valuable, adapting to this new reality can be worth the effort. This might mean adjusting the depth of certain conversations or the frequency of contact to protect both parties’ peace and well-being.
6. Keep Perspective
Remember that political climates shift over time, but friendships, when nurtured, can endure. What may feel like a significant divide today might seem less important down the road. If you find that differences are taking up too much space in your mind, try stepping back to see the bigger picture. Reflect on what your friendship brings to your life beyond this moment.
Final Thoughts
Navigating friendships during a time of political division isn’t always easy, but it’s possible to stay connected by emphasizing respect, communication, and shared values. Nurturing a friendship with someone you have differences with doesn’t mean you sacrifice any of your beliefs but it’s often an exercise in acceptance and letting go of how you want someone to think and behave. It’s hard work at times. Maintaining relationships with diverse viewpoints not only broadens our understanding but also enriches our lives in ways that sameness never could. It’s often the very thing we’re wanting to see modeled in public we fail to do in private. Perhaps even welcome the difference as opportunity.