The Power of Guilt and Shame and Knowing the Difference
What’s the Difference between Guilt and Shame? I see many clients who have carried longstanding feelings of shame which end up fostering low self esteem and confidence. I believe guilt can be a healthy guide but shame rarely produces a positive outcome. So, what’s the difference? In a nutshell, guilt is the feeling that “I […]Read more »
Bite that Tongue!
Words Can Quickly Damage Do you often say things out of frustration or anger you later regret leading to more conflict in need of unraveling? Basically, this is a good time for a “coping skill”! As cliche’ as that term sounds, the concept is vital. None of us are immune to our emotions getting the […]Read more »
Premarital Counseling. Get Some Insurance & Assurance
Why Go to Premarital Counseling? As a relationship therapist in San Diego, I receive a lot of inquiries about premarital counseling so I thought a blog post on the subject would be helpful. I believe premarital/precommitment counseling is very important because it highlights areas in the relationship that will likely become a source of disagreement […]Read more »
Q&A: “How Can I Stop Getting so Easily Offended over Small Things People Do or Say to Me?”
A blog reader asks, “How can I stop getting so easily offended over small things people do or say to me?” Well, the answer I give may not be the answer wanted! Actually, I want people to feel offended over rude, uncaring or offensive acts by others… even if small. With that said, though, it’s […]Read more »
Family and the Holidays. Dread or Delight?
For some, the holidays are eagerly anticipated and for others, they are dreaded. Spending time with certain family members is a very common reason some people do not enjoy the holiday season. Whether you are single, married, or partnered, if family represents a problem for you over the holidays, then the following article is for […]Read more »
Who Goes to Counseling?
In the past, there was a stigma attached to seeking therapy. Depending upon one’s generation or beliefs, counseling was thought to be for those who were mentally ill or those who were weak in character. Luckily, times have changed. A Resource For a Variety of People and Issues The majority of people who seek out […]Read more »
Introvert or Extrovert? Understanding the Difference.
What’s the Difference? Knowing whether you’re an introvert or extrovert not only helps you better understand yourself, but can help you navigate relationships more effectively and save yourself some frustration regarding where you “fit in”. Introverts are often misunderstood and labeled as “shy” or “insecure”. Introverts can appear shy around certain people because they are […]Read more »
Caring More by Caring Less
A blog reader asks the question, “The past two years have been really tough. My dad fell and that was the beginning of the end for him. I’ve been there for both my parents the entire time and now that he’s gone it’s tough to handle the loss. I feel like I need a break, […]Read more »
What are the Benefits of Premarital Counseling?
Why Premarital Counseling? Premarital counseling is a relatively inexpensive investment put towards one of the most important decisions in peoples’ life – their marriage. It is usually short term ranging from 3 to 5 premarital counseling sessions and covers many potential areas that may not have been explored by a couple preparing to marry. Premarital […]Read more »
Cash Strapped Dating Ideas for Summer
Romance doesn’t have to be expensive! Summertime in San Diego offers abundant opportunity for fun and romance, but our current economic climate puts a damper on dating for many couples. Several people get stuck in the cliche of “dinner and a movie” and while that can be great fun, it can also come with a […]Read more »
How do I “Break Up” with a Friend?
If you are wanting to distance yourself from a friend, chances are you probably don’t view them as much of a friend any longer. Perhaps you still care for them, but for various reasons, it may no longer be healthy for you to have them in your life in a friendship capacity. What Defines a […]Read more »
Crisis as Opportunity
The Chinese word for “crisis” is comprised of two characters – the first character symbolizing “danger” and the second character symbolizing an incipient moment, a crucial point when something begins or changes, or opportunity. When a difficult time is upon us, there is no doubt it will be uncomfortable and we’ll struggle. The pain is […]Read more »
It’s Almost Summer and I Need to Lose Weight!
“I need to lose weight before I’ll look good in my bathing suit!” How many times have you said something similar to yourself or heard other people echoing the same sentiments? For most people, this is a slippery slope and a set up premised with dislike for yourself. I have worked with several women, and […]Read more »
What is Your Love Language?
I often encounter couples who feel misunderstood and unappreciated when they make attempts to care for their partner. What starts as an earnest attempt to care sometimes ends up in frustration and argument. For many, just knowing their partner’s “Love Language” can deter these disappointing mishaps. In his book “The 5 Love Languages”, Dr. Gary […]Read more »
Tips for Handling Depression and Sadness
All of us have down days and some have more than others. Whether you are generally a happy person or whether you battle depression on a regular basis, the game rules are the same to feeling better and avoiding more of what you don’t want. Depression and sadness have a tendency to whisper in our […]Read more »
When Is Drinking Too Much Drinking?
Is There a Drinking Problem? Drinking alcohol is very prevalent in our culture, and unfortunately, so is its overuse making unhealthy or excessive drinking difficult to recognize. What is too much? Instead of trying to create a rigid and arbitrary standard based on numbers of drinks in a setting or days you drink out of […]Read more »
How to Spot the Signs of Emotional Abuse
What is Emotional Abuse and How Do I Spot It? There are many forms of abuse, and some are easily defined. But, emotional abuse is not as clear cut and often goes unrecognized and even accepted. The following blog post will outline the signs of emotional abuse so it can be spotted and understood for […]Read more »
What Do I Do with All These Feelings?
It’s so easy to get stuck in our feelings… feelings of depression, worry, anxiety, pain, etc. The feelings aren’t generally the problem, but instead the “story” we make up about those feelings are the biggest culprit and whether we believe that story. My work as a therapist in San Diego often entails working with clients […]Read more »
The Wheel of Life. How do You Rate?
Chart Your Wheel of Life Staying away from extremes and incorporating essentials is a good start to achieving better balance and improved well-being in life. So, what are the essentials? While the list may vary somewhat among individuals, the following outline is a great starting point and foundation for all. I encourage you to take […]Read more »
Have You Ever Been Mad at Your Therapist? Good!
Some of the deepest opportunities in my therapy office as a San Diego Therapist involve a duplication of unhealthy dynamics which occur in the client’s personal life. As the therapy relationship deepens, a client will undoubtedly be triggered by the therapist at some point and will be angered, annoyed or saddened. This is a pivotal […]Read more »
Find Your Zone!
All of us get stressed and overwhelmed, but not all of us have an understanding of what can buffer us from worry and circumstance while helping move us to a calmer, more grounded place. Whether your stress takes the form of anxiety or depression, knowing the antidote is good insurance against what could be unnecessary […]Read more »
Know What You Can Change and Effect It!
There are only two ways to approach life – with action or inaction. Too often, people don’t strive for what they need or want because they doubt their abilities or are afraid. You can’t always help it in the moment if you fear something, but you can make sure you don’t become a victim to […]Read more »
The Freedom in Apology
One thing I see as a San Diego therapist is the hesitancy for people to apologize. Many folks stand behind egos, defenses and excuses and have difficulty apologizing whether it’s to a friend, co-worker, or significant other. I wish more people would reconsider the apology and rediscover the strengths, freedom and benefits associated. Re-think Apologies […]Read more »
Shush!! Tips for Listening.
Listening is Hard Work, but Worth the Effort! As a San Diego therapist, I spend a lot of time with couples working to improve their communication skills. Listening is a skill that is crucial to good communication and a healthy relationship. The average person only remembers and understands about 50% of a 10-minute presentation immediately […]Read more »