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Letting Go

Letting Go

Usually, we grow and learn the most during times of pain and struggle. Life can deal us a rough hand at times. Perhaps you’ve lost a job, are going through a breakup or divorce, are having financial difficulties, have lost a loved one or you or someone you love is experiencing health problems. These are only a few examples which cause us to experience pain and fear. Unwelcome circumstances are the most difficult because we’re faced with our lack of control, yet they also offer tremendous opportunity. This is relieving for many since it feels daunting and oppressive to think our hardship will leave us in a wake of vanity and meaninglessness.The examples above all deal with loss of some form. Perhaps we are faced with the reality of losing something important to us. Perhaps it’s the loss of a person, position in life, hope or dream. And, loss may involve acknowledging a part of ourselves or another person to which we don’t want to confront. (more…)

Saying “No” Without the Guilt

Saying “No” Without the Guilt

Many people struggle with effectively communicating their needs and desires in relationships because they lack healthy boundaries and struggle with guilt. Often, people speak their mind but feel guilty.  Other times people avoid the feeling of guilt but do so by putting their needs aside. Unfortunately, neither of these are healthy choices. The healthiest choice is to communicate needs and desires directly with the understanding that doing so is an exercise in self-care and care of the relationship. Guilt is an unwelcome deceiver.When we say “yes” to something we don’t want to do, we usually do so for one of two reasons.

Avoidance

The first reason we fail to set boundaries in the form of saying “no” is wanting to avoid something that feels uncomfortable or negative. Perhaps we want to avoid an argument, a disagreement or don’t want to see the person we care about become disappointed. This is where guilt plays a part for many. If we say “no” to something and that boundary results in our partner becoming sad, disappointed or upset, many people blame themselves and thereby feel guilt. So, to avoid feelings of guilt, people begin saying “yes” to things (more…)

Proceed with Caution. Emotions Ahead!

Emotions are complicated. At times they bring us great joy and satisfaction. At other times they can lead us into a dark hole. Some emotions point to truth and others really do deceive us. For example, the long standing emotions of love you have for your best friends, cherished family members or your partner/spouse is usually a good indicator of truth. These are enduring relationships having the test of time behind them and the feeling of love indicates a safe reality. Other feelings deceive us because they lead us into fiction. Depression is a prime offender. If we are going through a difficult time in life and aren’t coping well, or if depression seems to be winning out, the feeling will lead us to think that “life is depression”. It may coax us into thinking we will never feel anything else, we may think there is no way out and we often start to think poorly of ourselves and abilities. I don’t know about you, but I’ve never encountered a feeling that didn’t eventually subside. Even the “true” emotions such as love subsides in the sense that we aren’t “always feeling love” 24 hours a day as we’re (more…)

Free Boundaries Workshop January 16th

My registered intern Aubree Papaj, M.S. is offering a free 90 minute Boundary Workshop on January 16th from 6:00 to 7:30 PM.  This workshop will cover ways to identify poor boundaries, solutions to improve boundary setting, common problems associated with setting boundaries, communication strategies and how healthy boundaries help you and your relationships.  RSVP required.

boundaries test

 

The Season for Giving: Don’t Forget Yourself!

This time of year is full of countless obligations to others.  We have parties and work functions to attend, gifts to buy, cards to write, calls to make, food to prepare and the list goes on.  No matter how much time we allot, time seems to run short and the stress mounts.  Before we know it, days fly by, the holidays are a distant blur, and we’re left exhausted at the beginning of the New Year.  The common denominator is most always over-extending and running ourselves empty in the midst of obligations.  While we want to keep our obligations to those we care about, below are some tips to help prevent overload.  They are suggestions to help you enjoy the season as much as you want the people you care about to enjoy theirs.

Schedule Time for Yourself

If you wait “for it to happen”, it’s not gonna!  Just as you make time for other people and other things, throw in something here and there for yourself.  What is something you enjoy this time of year but haven’t done for a while?  What is something you have been too busy for and keep putting off?  Is there a friend you haven’t (more…)