Deciding to seek the services of a counselor is a big step in the right direction when you want an empathetic listening ear. A qualified therapist is trained to provide you with insight and tools to improve your life, relationships and major life changes. Yet, you may be confused about how to choose the best counselor. Finding a counselor doesn’t have to be a series of trial and error when you know some key things for which to look.
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Codependency is an often used, but frequently misunderstood term. It is a form of dependency, but it also differs from dependency. “Dependency” in and of itself is not a bad thing and doesn’t automatically imply weakness. It is healthy to be vulnerable in relationship and allow yourself to depend on another at times. A certain amount of dependence, vulnerability and reliance upon another is necessary for a successful partnership. A healthy relationship requires a mixture of self-care and care of another and necessitates healthy boundaries giving knowledge of when to say “yes” and when to say “no”.
It is true that codependency is a form of dependency, but the “co” implies two people are dependent on each other in different ways. In a nutshell, a codependent gives, rescues, enables and over-functions and the other person is in some capacity dependent upon and under-functioning in the relationship. A codependent is mostly focused on another person to the detriment of him or herself. I like the following definition of codependency: (more…)
Every relationship has some difficulties. And, every person has their limitations and challenges. In my sessions, I often jokingly, but seriously, point out that “the fleas come with the dog” when someone is annoyed with their significant other over insignificant issues. But, how many fleas are too many? The answer to this question can save you a lot of time and perhaps heartache. I see many individuals and couples trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when it comes to relationship compatibility.
There is no magic formula to answer the above question, but there is a pretty good outline to help you reach a trustworthy conclusion. First off, you should have a good understanding of who you are… basic insight into your values, goals, dreams, and lifestyle and what you need in a partner. And, coupled with that should be the ability to set boundaries when called for. It’s necessary in a relationship that each person can communicate effectively about who they are, what they’re feeling, and what they need. (more…)
Letting Go
The first reason we fail to set boundaries in the form of saying “no” is wanting to avoid something that feels uncomfortable or negative. Perhaps we want to avoid an argument, a disagreement or don’t want to see the person we care about become disappointed. This is where guilt plays a part for many. If we say “no” to something and that boundary results in our partner becoming sad, disappointed or upset, many people blame themselves and thereby feel guilt. So, to avoid feelings of guilt, people begin saying “yes” to things (more…)
Made your appointment? Here are some useful links to help ensure everything goes smoothly your first session. Feel free to call or email me with any questions.
I have yet to meet someone in my private practice or personal life who said they were not honest. I think most everyone says they’re an honest person. But, my observation is that most of us are honest when it’s convenient for us… when it serves us and helps us feel better about who we […]
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