A blog reader writes, “Hi I’m a 45 yr. old woman living alone.  For about 8 yrs my mother has become very controlling.  She insists I move closer to her so I can be with family more.  She doesn’t take into consideration I have a life and a job.  How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings and still keep my boundaries?”

What are Boundaries?

A boundary is a psychological (and sometimes physical) distance making it possible to define who you are, what you need and where you’re headed.  It is the necessary space required to stay connected to self and all that is needed for happiness, health, and growth.  When people disrespect our boundaries, or if we don’t set them for ourselves, we lose some understanding of who we are which then affects our relationships and pursuits.  Boundaries are the playing field for people to discover who they are and who they are to become.

Struggling With Setting Boundaries? Schedule an Appointment to Start Your Journey Out of This Dilemma.

Relationships that pose the greatest challenge to setting boundaries are typically with parents and significant others.  In this case, the question is regarding a mother that has not taken no for an answer and is not respecting the adult child’s choice of where to live.  (more…)

Blog by Sylvia

Texting and How It Can Affect Relationships

Guest blogger Geoffrey Faustman, MA, IMF offers the following insights on texting and how it can impact relationships.  Geoffrey is a registered Marriage & Family Therapist intern with over 1500 hours of experience and offers counseling services at affordable rates.  For more information on Geoffrey and his counseling services, please visit his website at www.geoffreyfaustman.com or see his page on my website HERE.

The Impact of Text Messaging

Text messaging had become one of the foremost means of communicating in society today. It certainly has its benefits—it’s quick, to the point, and instant. One can send off a text almost anywhere and anytime. It’s very helpful for making plans or sending a visual record for making plans (addresses or times to meet) and other exchanges of important information.

However, it has been found that texting can also be detrimental to relationships, especially when it is used as a primary form of communication. Many people have explained that it has actually created additional strain on their relationships, mostly because of the limits of texting communication triggering anxiety.

If Texting is Causing a Strain on Your Relationship, Contact San Diego Therapy For Help 

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Blog by Sylvia

Deciding to seek the services of a counselor is a big step in the right direction when you want an empathetic listening ear.   A qualified therapist is trained to provide you with insight and tools to improve your life, relationships and major life changes.  Yet, you may be confused about how to choose the best counselor.  Finding a counselor doesn’t have to be a series of trial and error when you know some key things for which to look.
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Blog, San Diego Therapist Blog by Sylvia

Codependency is an often used, but frequently misunderstood term.  It is a form of dependency, but it also differs from dependency.  “Dependency” in and of itself is not a bad thing and doesn’t automatically imply weakness.  It is healthy to be vulnerable in a relationship and allow yourself to depend on another at times.  A certain amount of dependence, vulnerability, and reliance upon another is necessary for a successful partnership.  A healthy relationship requires a mixture of self-care and care of another and necessitates healthy boundaries giving knowledge of when to say “yes” and when to say “no”.

Struggling with Codependency? Schedule an Appointment with Sylvia Flanagan to Find a Better Way For Healthy Dependency.

It is true that codependency is a form of dependency, but the “co” implies two people are dependent on each other in different ways.  In a nutshell, a codependent gives, rescues, enables and over-functions and the other person is in some capacity dependent upon and under-functioning in the relationship.  A codependent is mostly focused on another person to the detriment of him or herself.  I like the following definition of codependency: (more…)

Blog by Sylvia

Every relationship has some difficulties. And, every person has their limitations and challenges. In my sessions, I often jokingly, but seriously, point out that “the fleas come with the dog” when someone is annoyed with their significant other over insignificant issues. But, how many fleas are too many? The answer to this question can save you a lot of time and perhaps heartache. I see many individuals and couples trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when it comes to relationship compatibility.

There is no magic formula to answer the above question, but there is a pretty good outline to help you reach a trustworthy conclusion. First off, you should have a good understanding of who you are… basic insight into your values, goals, dreams, and lifestyle and what you need in a partner. And, coupled with that should be the ability to set boundaries when called for. It’s necessary in a relationship that each person can communicate effectively about who they are, what they’re feeling, and what they need. (more…)

Blog by Sylvia