I’ve been a counselor for over fifteen years and whether I’m in session with someone young looking for a partner, or seeing a couple with many years of marriage behind them, more often than not, people speak about what they want from the other person and the relationship. Couples spar back and forth about their partner not doing enough, being enough or giving enough. The single man or woman spends time talking about what qualities they hope that other special someone has they want to meet. While it’s good to have a firm grasp on your needs and have appropriate boundaries, one of the consistent weaknesses I encounter is people being too focused on what they want to get and not what they have to give. The question I often ask is, “While you have a very good grasp on who Mr. or Ms. Right is, are you going to be the right person in turn they are looking for?” Many spend a great deal of time focusing on who and what they want to find without considering whether they will be a good match when found. (more…)
Are you considering counseling? Maybe you feel you might benefit from counseling, but have heard negative comments about the therapeutic process. Unfortunately, there is a lot of misinformation out there. As a therapist in San Diego with over 15 years of experience, I can definitely speak to this issue! If counseling is something you’re contemplating for the New Year (or any time of year), I hope the below will be useful helping you decide whether counseling is right for you.
1. Counseling is only for severe problems.
Counseling can be beneficial for a wide variety of issues including stress, relationship problems, life transitions, anxiety, spiritual issues, codependency and much more. (more…)
Marriage is one of the biggest decisions of your life. When you say “I do”, you’ll be linking yourself to another person not just romantically, but in every other way. It’s a big commitment that is best not taken lightly . Before you tie the knot, be sure to explore with your partner the following six areas. While this is certainly not an exhaustive list, it’s at least addressing some core factors that will give your marriage a better chance of success if discussed. Feel free to call Sylvia with any of your premarital or couples counseling questions at (619) 318-1901.
It’s important to know the financial habits and picture of your future spouse before you get married. The two biggest areas that lead to divorce are over financial and sexual differences. Be sure to communicate your financial needs, vision and current debt and create a budget before you marry. Explore questions such as: What are each of your spending habits? Are you savers or spenders? What are your financial goals? Retirement goals? How do you view taking on debt in the form of loans?
2. Do You Want Children?
How many children do you or your partner want? Sometimes, you may not want to have a child and (more…)
There are times in life when working with an experienced therapist is a good option for re-framing life’s experiences or dealing with difficult situations and issues. You might be considering counseling to better manage a difficult circumstance, improve a relationship, or adjust to a life transition. Yet, prior to seeking individual counseling, you may feel a sense of uneasiness as you wonder what you can expect from your therapy sessions. I do my best to provide a safe, non-judgmental space in which you can reflect, explore, increase insight and plan approaches which lend itself to better peace of mind, improved relationships and increased satisfaction with self. (more…)
Forgiveness is a tough subject. Some of us navigate it fairly well, but most of us have a contentious relationship with the act of forgiving. I think part of the challenge of forgiving is due partially to misunderstanding what forgiveness really is and how it can benefit us.
What are the Benefits of Forgiveness?
- Forgiveness frees us from the bitterness of holding on to anger or a grudge that keeps us from positively viewing others, relationships and the world around us. The Buddha said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” When we forgive someone, we can take that energy and direct it back towards our own life. We can restore more positive thinking and a better state of mind. (more…)