What is Emotional Abuse and How Do I Spot It?

There are many forms of abuse, and some are easily defined.  But, emotional abuse is not as clear cut and often goes unrecognized and even accepted.  The following blog post will outline the signs of emotional abuse so it can be spotted and understood for what it is.

Examples of emotional abuse

This list is not exhaustive, but gives a good general overview of behaviors exhibited by an abuser.

• Name calling
• Criticism of behaviors, intelligence, abilities or body/looks
• Making threats
• Explosive anger
• Attacks on your character
• Belittling
• Slamming doors, throwing things, hitting walls or any other violence on objects or pets
• Controlling and/or withholding finances or other material things
• Isolating you from friends/family
• Invading privacy – checking email, phone messages, text messages, etc
• Possessiveness and jealousy
• Demands sex or tries to make you feel guilty for not having sex
• Doesn’t respect boundaries (more…)

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It’s so easy to get stuck in our feelings… feelings of depression, worry, anxiety, pain, etc.  The feelings aren’t generally the problem, but instead the “story” we make up about those feelings are the biggest culprit and whether we believe that story.  My work as a therapist in San Diego often entails working with clients who are struggling with emotions that seem overwhelming, and watching clients learn to understand, change and cope with their feelings more effectively is very rewarding.  Emotions can be very useful and beneficial but can also be misleading.  Feelings can alert us to problems so we can look for solutions.  Feelings can act as symptoms so we can search for the source of the real problem.  But, when we take feelings too seriously, they can sink us and lead us to feel we may never feel any differently, as if we are powerless against them.   How many of us have had the defeatist and pessimistic attitude when we were sad and felt as if the rest of our lives were colored by how we felt at that moment?  Or, if we were very ill and felt physically quite poor, thinking we would never feel well again?  Feelings are extremely powerful, but understanding how they can positively and negatively impact you will enable you to use them to your benefit. (more…)

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Chart Your Wheel of Life

Staying away from extremes and incorporating essentials is a good start to achieving better balance and improved well-being in life.  So, what are the essentials?   While the list may vary somewhat among individuals, the following outline is a great starting point and foundation for all.  I encourage you to take a few moments and compare your life to what the “wheel of life” reflects.  If you’re lacking or weak in some areas, consider taking the time to strengthen that area in your life.  I often see people for therapy in San Diego who struggle with these issues and I witness the changes that can come about when people make adjustments to bring about more balance and harmony.

Below are eight categories that need development and maintenance in order for someone to be balanced and optimize well-being.  Before reading, it’s best to take a piece of paper and pencil and draw a circle.  Since there are 8 categories, draw 8 spokes from the center of the circle to the perimeter of the circle and label each spoke with one of the categories below.  Each spoke will then represent on category and your circle will then look like a pie with 8 pieces.  Along each spoke/category, evenly number it from 1 to 10 – 1 starting near the center of the circle and 10 ending at the perimeter of the circle.  (more…)

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Some of the deepest opportunities in my therapy office as a San Diego Therapist involve a duplication of unhealthy dynamics which occur in the client’s personal life.  As the therapy relationship deepens, a client will undoubtedly be triggered by the therapist at some point and will be angered, annoyed or saddened.  This is a pivotal moment in therapy and an opportunity to deepen the therapeutic process.  What usually happens is the client will react in habitual ways.  This reaction may be in the form of shutting down, crying or getting angry at the counselor.  Or the client may not say a word and simply not return to therapy after feeling upset by something the therapist said.  The most important thing to remember is to use this moment!

Dynamics Between Client and Counselor Usually Mirror Client Relationship Dynamics

Almost all issues discussed in counseling are related to interpersonal relationships and people want to improve their relationships and improve their part in them.    When a client becomes upset at their counselor, this is a golden opportunity.  It’s simple to talk about conflict, relationship dynamics or upsets by discussing third parties, but it gives the therapist a unique perspective to observe the client’s reactions firsthand if allowed to unfold.  (more…)

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All of us get stressed and overwhelmed, but not all of us have an understanding of what can buffer us from worry and circumstance while helping move us to a calmer, more grounded place.  Whether your stress takes the form of anxiety or depression, knowing the antidote is good insurance against what could be unnecessary emotional upset.  Many people seek San Diego therapy during periods of increased stress while adjusting to difficult changes, and I want to share one helpful tip as a way to cope with that stress more effectively.

Find Your Zone in One of the Many Forms of Meditation

The broad swath of meditation dilutes the feelings and embodiment of stress and overwhelm, but meditation takes many forms.  In summary, meditation is anything that helps you focus, find “your zone” and not be aware of, or attached to, the many thoughts, worries, and beliefs that circulate through your mind and body.  It gives you a break from the stress, and rejuvenates and re-energizes your mind and body while releasing stress, overwhelm and tension.   For some, the traditional form of meditation serves that purpose – sitting quietly in a peaceful place while trying to quiet the mind.  (more…)

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