All of us get stressed and overwhelmed, but not all of us have an understanding of what can buffer us from worry and circumstance while helping move us to a calmer, more grounded place.  Whether your stress takes the form of anxiety or depression, knowing the antidote is good insurance against what could be unnecessary emotional upset.  Many people seek San Diego therapy during periods of increased stress while adjusting to difficult changes, and I want to share one helpful tip as a way to cope with that stress more effectively.

Find Your Zone in One of the Many Forms of Meditation

The broad swath of meditation dilutes the feelings and embodiment of stress and overwhelm, but meditation takes many forms.  In summary, meditation is anything that helps you focus, find “your zone” and not be aware of, or attached to, the many thoughts, worries, and beliefs that circulate through your mind and body.  It gives you a break from the stress, and rejuvenates and re-energizes your mind and body while releasing stress, overwhelm and tension.   For some, the traditional form of meditation serves that purpose – sitting quietly in a peaceful place while trying to quiet the mind.  (more…)

Filed under: Blog by Sylvia

There are only two ways to approach life – with action or inaction.  Too often, people don’t strive for what they need or want because they doubt their abilities or are afraid.  You can’t always help it in the moment if you fear something, but you can make sure you don’t become a victim to your own thoughts or by how someone else defines you or what they believe you’re capable of.  Staying fluid in life takes a lot of work, but can be made easier by keeping some key points in mind.  As a San Diego therapist, I see people frozen from their own beliefs or fears more often than I would like.  The below guide is a basic list to keep in mind to avoid stagnation and keep moving in ways defined by you.

Key Points for Empowerment

Understand your Needs – Until you have a clear idea of what you need and want, you won’t be as effective or know what requires change.

Maintain a Positive Attitude – Keeping tabs on your attitude is crucial!  If you are feeling defeated, hopeless, or dis-empowered, it’s very important to counter this negativity with self-talk, talking with others, exercise, sleep, and fun. (more…)

Filed under: Blog by Sylvia

One thing I see as a San Diego therapist is the hesitancy for people to apologize.  Many folks stand behind egos, defenses and excuses and have difficulty apologizing whether it’s to a friend, co-worker, or significant other.  I wish more people would reconsider the apology and rediscover the strengths, freedom and benefits associated.

Re-think Apologies

To begin with, I think it’s important to challenge the beliefs often linked to apologies.  For some, apology feels like a “weakness”.  Others may assume it puts them at a disadvantage by diminishing power, control and bargaining.  Still others think apologizing makes them “bad”, as if they aren’t allowed to display behaviors they later aren’t proud of, thereby learning from them.

Apologies improve the relationship and the people in them

In reality, apologies help open doors in relationships and help to increase trust.  For the person apologized to, it influences them back away from defenses, blame and usually softens their stance.  They feel less of a need to protect and defend their position and self and are usually more inclined to let the issue go, forgive, and move forward without resentment.   Apology almost always has a healing influence on a relationship and the person apologized to. (more…)

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Listening is Hard Work, but Worth the Effort!

As a San Diego therapist, I spend a lot of time with couples working to improve their communication skills.  Listening is a skill that is crucial to good communication and a healthy relationship.  The average person only remembers and understands about 50% of a 10 minute presentation immediately afterwards, and that drops to 25% retention in about two hours.   Typically, we have poor listening skills even though the average person spends about 45% listening in relation to all our communication skills combined.

There are several things you can do to be a better listener, and below is a list of some of the most important.  If you are in a relationship, consider reviewing these tips with your partner and discussing them together.  If you are single, there are multiple opportunities to try this out with friends, coworkers, etc. and prepare yourself to be a better listener when you find yourself dating.

Active Listening

Active listening is simply repeating back what you think you heard and checking it for clarification with the person speaking.  Often, our interpretation of what was said is incorrect because we simply misunderstood, or we run it through our own filter cluttered with personal defenses, meanings, and definitions.  Try repeating back what you think your partner said (more…)

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Differences Don’t Mean You’re Doomed!

As a San Diego therapist, I often get excited when seemingly dreaded statements come from my clients who are in new relationships.  The honeymoon period while dating is exhilarating, fun, and necessary, but doesn’t capture the reality of relationship.  Real issues surface as differences emerge and this is often expressed as irritations or annoyances by the one who is bothered.  While clients often see this shift as a danger sign, I view it as unavoidable opportunity to grow together.

Differences can bring up either red flags or signs of relief depending upon how the struggle is expressed.  It is a landscape where  “negotiables and non-negotiables” are unearthed.  Non-negotiables are incompatibilities that are usually fixed and unchangeable.  They often stem from major lifestyle differences or philosophical or value based differences.    For (more…)

Filed under: Blog by Sylvia