“I need to lose weight before I’ll look good in my bathing suit!”

How many times have you said something similar to yourself or heard other people echoing the same sentiments?  For most people, this is a slippery slope and a set up premised with dislike for yourself.  I have worked with several women, and some men, who disliked their bodies and felt they had to change it before they would be comfortable.  A concept I try and work with is that acceptance is necessary prior to change.

Acceptance is Necessary Prior to Change

There is nothing wrong with trying to lose weight in many cases, but I do want to challenge the way you may be approaching it and the negative messages you may be sending yourself prior to beginning a diet.  What I have noticed in clients having continual struggles with their body image and who have trouble staying at a weight they are happy with is an active dislike towards their body from the beginning.  They point out areas of their body they think are unattractive and regard these parts almost as parasitic hosts that took hold which are separate from themselves.  They speak about themselves with dislike, criticism, disapproval and sometimes even disgust.  These clients usually approach weight loss purely from an aesthetic point of view.  As (more…)

Filed under: Blog by Sylvia

I often encounter couples who feel misunderstood and unappreciated when they make attempts to care for their partner.  What starts as an earnest attempt to care sometimes ends up in frustration and argument.  For many, just knowing their partner’s “Love Language” can deter these disappointing mishaps.  In his book “The 5 Love Languages”, Dr. Gary Chapman delineates different “love languages” and stresses the importance of knowing your own language and the love language of your partner.  With this understanding you can then “speak your partner’s language” and have them speak yours.  It’s a good way to protect against misunderstanding and build greater appreciation.

The 5 Love Languages

• Words of Affirmation – This language involves compliments and saying with words you care and love the other person.  If you give them verbal reason and explanation behind those compliments, that is even better!  Keep in mind that the person who speaks this language is very effected and wounded by criticism and insults. (more…)

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All of us have down days and some have more than others.  Whether you are generally a happy person or whether you battle depression on a regular basis, the game rules are the same to feeling better and avoiding more of what you don’t want.  Depression and sadness have a tendency to whisper in our ears a lot of inaccuracies and deception.  It’s as if an intruder took host in our head and tries to convince us of doing all the things that will further hurt us and make us feel bad about ourselves.  Familiar seducing chants are, “stay in bed”, “stay indoors”, “don’t go out with friends”, “eat unhealthy food”, “believe things about yourself that aren’t true”, “you won’t feel any better in the future” and on and on.  Once sadness or depression gets a little grip on us, it wants to stay.  So, taking an active stance against it is paramount.

Depression or sadness come in many forms and arise for a variety of reasons.  Some of us just wake up “blue” for no reason and it’s short lived.  Others are enduring difficult circumstances and need to keep pushing on to the other side where things are calmer and easier. (more…)

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Geoffrey Faustman, IMF – Offering Reduced Fee Counseling

Here at the office of Sylvia Flanagan, MFT, there is a great new therapist addition!  Geoffrey Faustman, IMF has come on board and is offering counseling services at a reduced fee.  He is a registered MFT Intern with the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, has completed his masters degree and is accruing necessary hours to sit for the California licensing exam while under my supervision.  If you or someone you know is looking for reduced fee therapy in San Diego, please consider having them contact Geoffrey.  In addition to offering counseling services at a reduced fee, he also has evening hours available.

Seeking out a registered intern for counseling is a wise and practical choice because an intern has a great deal of education (master’s level at a minimum), has a minimum of 1500 hours of experience, but offers services at a lower fee than licensed therapists.

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Is There a Drinking Problem?

Drinking alcohol is very prevalent in our culture, and unfortunately, so is its overuse making unhealthy or excessive drinking difficult to recognize.  What is too much?  Instead of trying to create a rigid and arbitrary standard based on numbers of drinks in a setting or days you drink out of the week, I think the better question to ask is, “Is my drinking harming me?”.  I’d be hard pressed to find people who would say it’s good to harm themselves.  So, I’m going to get away from numbers and look at effects.  Here is a very reliable self assessments to help determine whether you or someone you care about is engaging in unhealthy drinking behaviors .

MAST (Michagan Alcoholism Screening Test) Assessment

The biggest problem I encounter as a San Diego therapist while working with people who have an alcohol problem is their resistance to recognizing the problem.  Usually, people who engage in harmful drinking are the last persons to admit they drink too much.  As the old saying goes, they have to “hit bottom” before they are ready to address their relationship with alcohol.  Responses are usually, “I have a job”, “I haven’t gone to jail”, “I don’t drink every day”, “I don’t drink alone”, etc.  (more…)

Filed under: Blog by Sylvia